- January 20th So in awe at the talent we have in our city, in our very own community. It’s always inspiring to see others expressing themselves in a way they feel so comfortable with. And it’s so good to see people growing as dancers and as people, it makes life worth stopping and seeing every once in a while and not getting caught up with myself all the time. So much love too in...
- January 19th “Fail, fail again, fail better.” Sometimes I’m uncertain of my own thoughts but then I realize that I have these emotions for a reason. I need to deal with it in one way or another and I’m thankful to be able to have different outlets to release it whether it be through dance, writing, or just talking to others. Getting to know myself a little better,...
- January 18th Happy! Everything is looking up. So thankful for friends who will have fun and be dumb with you.
- January 17th Things like this only happen in movies and some reality tv shows, but never like this, in real life, so close to home. Thank goodness that things weren’t as bad as it seemed. And thank goodness for the friends who are there for you to support you even if they don’t know what’s going on. For their strength and their happiness to guide me to my own route of...
January 16th Studying and acquiring information actually feels really good. Need to do it more often. Been missing out on so much knowledge.
January 14/15th Neutral, happy, neutral, happy. Thank goodness for the Discovery Channel, Lars and the Real Girl, and friends.
- January 13th Things could definitely have been worse. Actually, things were pretty good. If anything would’ve happened, nts: fight fire with water, not fire. Easily swayed by people’s opinions about me. I think here’s another to add to the new years resolution list: stop caring what others think, at least their negative thoughts. Who I am is who I am. As cliche as this...
- January 12th I’m scared. And another side is asking me, “What’s the worst that could happen?” In all honesty though, there are many things that could go wrong and I just don’t want to be the cause of anything. If I keep running away from the things I don’t want to deal with, when will I learn? I say this and yet this actually makes me more scared. ...
- January 11th Feels SO good to be reunited with the team. Feels like we’re one again. Whatever we’re all going through, we’re here for one another. To support, to care, to comfort, to love. Happy to be with the people who I love and who care for me as well.
- January 10th Even the smallest of things can mean so much. A bunch of smiles sent in my direction and I feel that much better. Tired but ready for the next day. Always.
- January 9th Prioritize ‘cause it feels good to lay in bed after a productive day.
- January 8th I always feel as if I don’t appreciate or give back to my friends as much as I need to. But thank goodness for the ones who are always there to keep me sane, and thank goodness for opportunities to see these people in person and be engulfed by their wonderful spirit and presence. Love doesn’t even begin to describe the trust I put in my friends, nor the unconditional...
- January 7th I don’t have time to be tired, or sick, or lazy. As tomorrow comes to an end, Monday will ‘officially’ be the first day of the year, starting with school, teaching and dance- time to focus on what’s happening now and not be so caught up with fixing what has already happened in the past and daydreaming about what could happen in the future. The past couple...
- January 6th How come I can never say what’s on my mind?
- January 5th Things are starting to feel normal again - normal in a sense of what I am accustomed to. New semester is starting at school, dance is starting up next week once again and friends and family have never seemed closer. Each year, I find much more potential than the previous. And with each passing day, I become more confident that things will truly work out for the best- if not now,...
- January 4th So much to say, and really, there’s so much time. But others have said that some things are better off left unsaid. Perhaps some things are better left unsaid, but unspoken words begin to pile up in corners like old newspapers until they have reached the ceiling, and then what? Create new piles only for them to reach the ceiling again and sooner or later, the room is left...
Hmm, let's start this again?
Death is not a lover.
Day 74, Mar 17th Nature makes nothing in vain. - Aristotle I think that answers every life question out there.
I had to mention...
Day 73, Mar 16th Last the next 2 days and it’s 2 weeks off. Almost there.
Shut It Down
Day 72, Mar 15th “What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal.” - Albert Pine. What we do for others is important, but I also feel like that shouldn’t be a reason to neglect ourselves when it comes to things or feelings that may or may not remain. Sometimes I believe people can push themselves too far- people who...
I'm a recovering undercover overlover.
Day 71, Mar 14th I love how a song can make you feel so peaceful. Like you can sigh a breath of relief, and truly be relieved.
"Go then, there are other worlds than these."
Day 70, Mar 13th To have spent the weekend with great people and dancing is the greatest combination ever to be…. combined, for a lack of better words. To be with people so comfortable to be yourself around is what a lot of people in this world wish for and I’m grateful for every one of them. Getting away just for the weekend not only relieved much of the stress that was building up...
Expectation is the root of all heartache.
Day 69, Mar 12th I realized that I have set up expectations and standards (knowingly, or unknowingly..) for what a good friend or family acts like. What I may find as logical may not be as familiar to others and I’ve come to realize that I have to stop being so angry or mad at those just because they don’t fully meet my ‘standards’. I mean I’m not saying that one...
You just keep on pushing my love over the...
Day 68, Mar 11th What makes a trip more better than good company, great music and semi-comfortable sleep. The search for family or the search for companionship seems so useless to me, only because I realize that I’m confident to put my trust in those right in front of me. - Japan, my thoughts are with you. The fact that I am so weak and unable to help in such cases of natural disasters...
Show me the steep and thorny way to heaven.
Day 67, Mar 10th Big day today, started and finished packing for IDC and spent the night with two of my loves. The thing is though, that when we got back to her house that night, her parents rushed us to the TV to show that there has been an earthquake and an incredibly strong tsunami that hit Japan. It all goes to show that one day you have everything you want or everything you’ll ever...
I feel like I'm going to lose my mind.
Day 66, Mar 9th I have to really recognize that by me taking out my anger on someone, it really doesn’t help the situation one bit. Temporarily, it may seem like an okay thing to do but I have to realize the other person’s feelings and their perception of me in their eyes. Although I may seem as a ‘good’ person in my own eyes, I could be totally different in others. And...
Change For You
Day 65, Mar 8th ”I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I’m awake, you know?” - Ernest Hemingway - I’m starting to figure out that some things change, for instance, the order on my priority list. I feel like dance is slipping.. not in huge numbers though, but I mean to say that school and work is just prevailing a bit more in my life nowadays. Work...
"I fall apart, write about it and call it art."
Day 64, Mar 7th To work and to gain money is such a hard thing to do.. it takes patience and perseverance to be able to have a steady job and be able to learn every aspect of it to be the best employee possible. I’ve realized that I don’t especially like my job. I mean it’s not like I have to fake a smile nor do I have bad co-workers or anything. But it’s just the fact...
I like apple cider.
Day 63, Mar 6th Grad = grad trans, and so many other things that we have to worry about on top of homework and such. Such a waste of time.. but whatever, I have to graduate or else I’m not going anywhere.
Winter Turn To Spring
Day 62, Mar 5th Life needs to slow down a bit.. The perks of not being able to leave the house is that I can get a lot of thinking done. IDC is in less than a week. Gotta work hard.
Day 61, Mar 4th Ironically, life decisions will be the death of me.
Empire State of Mind
Day 60, Mar 3rd I didn’t have time to go to creative writing once again and the fact that there are so many thoughts in my head is a bit overwhemling. I’m just glad that in whatever I do, I’m almost always being supported by friends and family. I can’t thank the people in my life enough, especially family. To know that they will be guiding me through certain steps of the...
Wake up and smell all the roses
Day 59, Mar 2nd Just gotta learn to take it slow, take the time to smell the flowers. Time is passing by so fast and yet so slowly at the same time. Sooner than later, I’ll already be 30, then 50, then 80. I just want to press the snooze button in life right now.
I'm lost, can you show me something?
Day 58, Mar 1st Dang, it’s March already? Where has the time gone? Accepted. But that in no means should stop me from working hard. Or at least working the level that I’m working at now.. I could definitely try harder. To be honest, I don’t even know what I do with my days and my time. Lately, work and dance has been tightly packed with school. But I need to be able to...
I think I'm a little bit....
Day 57, Feb 28th All I want to do is finish this choreo and sleep, but that’s not happening since this week is jam packed, once again. And once this week is over, the exact same will be repeated next week. Sometimes I feel like I need a break from it all.
You know what it is
Day 56, Feb 27th Feels so good to choreo.. finally realizing that dance can still be an outlet just second to writing. Hopefully the inspiration as well as determination sticks with me long enough for me to finish this piece and use it for duo. This week is going to be a long one.
You can be my..
Day 55, Feb 26th Missing Cali and NY. I hope to see you soon.
You just keep on saying the same thing.
Day 54, Feb 25th We all dance for different reasons whether we do it just for the exercise aspect, whether it’s a hobby, whether it’s a passion, whether it’s just something your parents are making you do, whether it’s a life long dream to be one of the greatest dancers, whether it’s to make history. We all have our stories and yet we all come together to be apart of...
Day 53, Feb 24th I just love the feeling of being on stage. I don’t care who’s in the audience, I don’t care if there’s an audience at all, but their positive energy and vibes just make the whole performance or competition seem more real and worth doing. We performed at Michael J Fox today and the crowd was crazy… they literally were screaming throughout the whole...
With A Spirit
Day 52, Feb 23rd Getting older always means more responsibilities and a huge to-do list everyday of every week. It gets hard, no doubt about it. But I should welcome them with open arms instead of pushing them away because I know I have to do them anyway. A lot of the times, it’s so easy to say “I’ll do it tomorrow”, or “It doesn’t even matter anyway, I...
Go shawty, it's your birthday
Day 51, Feb 22nd A little quickie thought before I go to bed.. I think I should stop being so grumpy all the time. I guess it’s from the stress, but I wake up grumpy ‘cause I want to sleep more, I go to sleep grumpy ‘cause I still have so much to do and I just stay grumpy the whole day ‘cause I think about all the things that need to be done by whatever day. Anyways, I...
Look at me now
Day 50, Feb 21st Literally such a packed schedule for this upcoming week and I’m stressed to say the least. I have so much to do, so little time and if I could function in the day without any sleep, I would pull all-nighters each day. Alas I’m only human with no such powers so I’ll probably end up passing out soon. Time, why must you be so unkind?
Chase your love
Day 49, Feb 20th The immense satisfaction along with the gratitude of having a good day filled with such great people could not be explained thoroughly in words. We’re still kids and we’ve got the whole world ahead of us. To know that there are such close and wonderful people who are facing the world one step at a time with me is overwhelming. How did I end up with such beautiful...
Lay it down
Day 48, Feb 19th Even though I often dread going to work, knowing how tired I’ll be, it still feels good to go. Like I’ve actually done something productive. I think I’m going to quit soon though.. school, dance and work is conflicting a little too much these days.
This time, I want it all.
Day 47, Feb 18th Sometimes, all I’m looking for isn’t good morning texts or “How are you’s”. I need something more physical, and yet mental at the same time- something that satisfies both the mind and the body. I haven’t really found it yet. And I don’t know if I ever will. Maybe it’s all in my mind. Maybe I’m just thinking I need such a...
Handle With Care
Day 46, Feb 17th Writing will always be an outlet for me. I don’t always feel like I can get my point across through dance. Of course, that just means that I need to keep working harder to be able to express myself 100% through the steps and the music. But for now, writing is what can thoroughly express me from the bottom of my heart and every corner in my mind.
Mona Lisa, I'd pay to see you frown.
Day 45, Feb 16th I’m not the kind of person who can express everything I see or think into words straight away. Starting conversations? You know, I don’t really know how to and I’m kind of surprised because with some people I could literally just talk on for hours, until we have nothing left to talk about. And with others I’m so awkward and introverted, and it’s...