- January 4th
So much to say, and really, there’s so much time.
But others have said that some things are better off left unsaid.
Perhaps some things are better left unsaid, but unspoken words begin to pile up in corners like old newspapers until they have reached the ceiling, and then what?
Create new piles only for them to reach the ceiling again and sooner or later, the room is left cluttered and filled with unwanted, trivial, useless, minor things that, ironically, begin to capture your attention when you wanted -no, needed- them to be such thoughts you could carelessly toss in a corner and not think twice about.
So what do you do?
Maybe you slowly reach for the piles, take a load down to the recycling bin every day until you no longer have any newspapers left.
Maybe you would toss them in a garbage can, light a match on fire, throw it in and watch as every page turns to ashes.
Maybe you look through familiar clippings and keep a few in a small album or stick them in between books you find closest to you; save them so you can read them again.
Find a way of getting rid of them in a way you are satisfied, with no regret of ever shredding or burning or keeping simple pieces of paper.
But always clean the room; and be done with it. And once it gets messy again, all you have to do is organize.
The important thing is to make it a habit of understanding the differences between what should be kept and what should be tossed in order to make room for the things worth looking through again.
Day 74, Mar 17th
Nature makes nothing in vain. - Aristotle
I think that answers every life question out there.
Day 73, Mar 16th
Last the next 2 days and it’s 2 weeks off. Almost there.
Day 72, Mar 15th
"What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal." - Albert Pine.
What we do for others is important, but I also feel like that shouldn’t be a reason to neglect ourselves when it comes to things or feelings that may or may not remain.
Sometimes I believe people can push themselves too far- people who constantly looks after others but never take care of themselves. They never give themselves even a couple minutes to sit back and relax but instead extend their failing arms to those in need. Yes, what you do for others and the world may remain unlike what we do for ourselves. But what we do for ourselves can change the way we see ourselves in the mirror every morning.
I just don’t think that the possibility of losing myself and my being is less important than anything else.
Day 71, Mar 14th
I love how a song can make you feel so peaceful. Like you can sigh a breath of relief, and truly be relieved.
Day 70, Mar 13th
To have spent the weekend with great people and dancing is the greatest combination ever to be…. combined, for a lack of better words.
To be with people so comfortable to be yourself around is what a lot of people in this world wish for and I’m grateful for every one of them.
Getting away just for the weekend not only relieved much of the stress that was building up but also let us bond through this experience.
Definitely would repeat the past few days over again.
Day 69, Mar 12th
I realized that I have set up expectations and standards (knowingly, or unknowingly..) for what a good friend or family acts like.
What I may find as logical may not be as familiar to others and I’ve come to realize that I have to stop being so angry or mad at those just because they don’t fully meet my ‘standards’.
I mean I’m not saying that one should befriend every single person they meet; of course there may be ‘standards’ when it comes to choosing the right kind of friends. But when it comes to the more minor details, I tend to over think some aspects. I guess I’m a little more old-fashioned when it comes to how I was raised.
I was raised to say ‘good morning’, ‘hello’, ‘goodnight’, etc. to strangers whom I meet in the elevator. I was taught to put others before me when it comes to happiness, but not to the point where I lose myself.
Basically I was raised to have manners and respect others. I have to realize that most aren’t raised the same as I am and that I should overlook the more minor details. It just bothers me when some people really focus on themselves and not open their eyes to others, especially if they themselves aren’t feeling their 100%. I hardly follow this one, but I was also told to not take anger or any other emotions onto others and to leave certain problems at the door.
I don’t know, that’s just me though.
Day 68, Mar 11th
What makes a trip more better than good company, great music and semi-comfortable sleep.
The search for family or the search for companionship seems so useless to me, only because I realize that I’m confident to put my trust in those right in front of me.
Japan, my thoughts are with you. The fact that I am so weak and unable to help in such cases of natural disasters makes me realize that sometimes there really is no one or nothing to blame. But that doesn’t change the fact that I don’t feel indifferent just because it has affected others but not myself.
There’s nothing you can’t overcome.
Day 67, Mar 10th
Big day today, started and finished packing for IDC and spent the night with two of my loves.
The thing is though, that when we got back to her house that night, her parents rushed us to the TV to show that there has been an earthquake and an incredibly strong tsunami that hit Japan.
It all goes to show that one day you have everything you want or everything you’ll ever need and in a blink of an eye, you can be left with nothing. You can be nothing.
To think that we live our lives spending it with the people we adore, thinking nothing more of what’s going on in the world, when something that affects everyone on this planet occurs.
What’s even more intriguing is that although we are informed of such tragedies and disasters, we continue to live our own lives as though it hasn’t affected us. And perhaps it doesn’t affect us, ourselves, directly or physically, but we should take the time to acknowledge the damage, the pain and the suffering that comes after such times.
And as much as we should open our eyes to such devastation, every cloud has a silver lining.
We mustn’t forget that, ever.
Day 66, Mar 9th
I have to really recognize that by me taking out my anger on someone, it really doesn’t help the situation one bit.
Temporarily, it may seem like an okay thing to do but I have to realize the other person’s feelings and their perception of me in their eyes.
Although I may seem as a ‘good’ person in my own eyes, I could be totally different in others. And this is probably because I never take into account my negative qualities that I possess which may prevail once in a while through my words or actions.
I feel like I’m constantly hurting or annoying people with such negativity and I have to realize that it’s not them who are the cause of my anger, but problems themselves. And usually the problems don’t even concern people, just things such as homework and stress just building up.
Note to self: Keep calm and carry on.
Day 65, Mar 8th
”I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I’m awake, you know?” - Ernest Hemingway
I’m starting to figure out that some things change, for instance, the order on my priority list.
I feel like dance is slipping.. not in huge numbers though, but I mean to say that school and work is just prevailing a bit more in my life nowadays.
Work and dance never conflict either, and yet I just have this small feeling that things are slowly starting to shift as time passes.
I’m not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but I must say I’m not too accustomed or comfortable with this coming flow of ‘change’. I’m not sure what to expect.
Day 64, Mar 7th
To work and to gain money is such a hard thing to do.. it takes patience and perseverance to be able to have a steady job and be able to learn every aspect of it to be the best employee possible.
I’ve realized that I don’t especially like my job. I mean it’s not like I have to fake a smile nor do I have bad co-workers or anything. But it’s just the fact that I’m not doing anything beneficial to me or my future career.
I’d rather be.. I don’t know. In an office doing some paper work (yes, I realize that sounds super boring) than my current job now. I feel like I need a change.
Day 63, Mar 6th
Grad = grad trans, and so many other things that we have to worry about on top of homework and such.
Such a waste of time.. but whatever, I have to graduate or else I’m not going anywhere.
Day 62, Mar 5th
IDC is in less than a week. Gotta work hard.